Around London

It is funny how everyday I accidentally meet a stranger's eyes for very short seconds, and both of us stare at each other for a second and I never remember any of these people I made eye contact with. It is very unimportant but I like thinking of it and I wonder what the person was thinking while looking me in the eyes, a strangers eyes, its something I will never know, its someone I will never see again, even if I do I wouldn't recall. But these things happen and I ask myself why the hell do you analyse such banality, Stefany?. Anyway enough of useless thoughts, I am quite glad days are getting hotter and sun shines everyday and there are parks I can lay on green grass and just pretend life is easy. I must get a myself a bicycle, yes I would love to ride a bicycle during the whole summer.

É você olhar no espelho se sentir um grandessíssimo idiota saber que é humano ridículo, limitado que só usa dez por cento de sua cabeça animal

I had this strange dream last night, that there was a skull with ears in my toilet and I didnt flush it

Hey Arturo Bandini

Shit I have done none of the things I wrote in the last post, I should have known I would postpone everything I say I will do.

Dear?,

It's 01:05 am and I am lying on the floor in a not very comfortable position. My neck hurts a bit but I will finish writing this post because I am not sleepy as usual. I decided to plan my day tomorrow. Tomorrow is Wednesday and I've got the day off, which means no obligations at all, oh how I love this. Not really I do have things to do actually. I shall do some uni work, work on my sketchbooks. I think I am going to get up around 9 am and go visit an exhibition and yes I will go on my own, myself and my earphones. I will buy nice eyelashes and curl my hair and drink coffee and keep reading my book, Journey to the end of the night by Céline. I might take some pictures if its sunny haha! Yes sounds pretty normal.

Good Night, I like you!

Mother's day. It was on Sunday and fortunately it was a beautiful sunny sunday morning. My sister and I gotta up a bit early and made breakfast for my mother then we gave her the presents we bought her the day before. Although I have been a bit dissappointed with my mother lately, I do love her of course. I am here in this world because of her. Don't really know if that was good thing she did. However I am glad to be here despite not being very glad sometimes. Sometimes I think though, about this thing humans do. Having babies! What is it for? the urge to offspring? the fear of being alone in the future? irresponsibility,stupidity, mistake.. oh hah yeah some people are a mistake. Sometimes I think that if people would stop having babies then as the time would pass and people would die the world would have to come to an end, maybe something would happen, but maybe, if only.. oh we dont know anything. I guess these thoughts leads nowhere. Whatever, after a nice sunny morning I spent the evening watching The Devil Inside and I laughed in the cinema when the movie ended, I think the end sucks. I'll tell you,everybody dies in the end,or maybe there'll be devil inside two. Oh no

So sometimes I see the positive side of life, the pretty life. Although it doesn't always include humans. However I am glad there's nature and I so decided to water plants and put flowers around my room. I think I also had a nice time reading the comments from the post below. Tonight I am feeling alright, I guess and when I feel happy I don't have much to talk about it (here) I am sorry if I only like to write loads of bad feelings here for you to read haha. At least I hope you like these pictures, I think they convey a bit of happiness, don't they? Happiness? haha bullshit xxxxx

I don't have any cravings besides for sleeping. Depression? I hope that is not the case. I don't even enjoy doing the things I used to enjoy like taking pictures. I've become so negative that when I think of photographing I automatically predict that the picture wont look good so why bother taking it. I also don't find so nice to write a lot about myself or my insane thoughts here. I just feel that I need to get my mind empty, remove words out of it (as if it is possible). I've decided to do some changes in my life and the first one will be reducing the amount of sugar I eat, it doesnt really have much to do with my mental problems , but it sounds like a challenging mature thing to do. I ate chocolate cake today, tasted good. Then I had a latte with two tea spoons of sugar , tomorrow I will make it one. Now I should go to sleep because going to bed earlier is another challenge, well its 02:14am but still, I am in the dark and after being in the dark for a while I start seeing things, I fear, fear of things that are not even here, but when my cat stares at those things I feel a bit scared...what a baby.

Basic Thursday

bag from tiger, top topshop, jeans primark.

It feels even a little weird to post 'outfit' images. I couln't even recall when was the last time before this' that I actually took my camera out. As I said I have been feeling a bit uninspired even to carry my camera, its heavy and I haven't been enjoying it much. But hopefully things are looking up. This is what I wore last week. Skinny jeans from h&m which fits so good. The polka dot top is from Sugar Lips Apparel which is very comfortable to wear, shoes and poncho from Primark. But the weather is still not so good.

Hi 'readers' I wanted to write here that I am alive and very uninspired to post things here, yes its another uninspired phase. I must suck as a blogger. I have been just going to uni and staring at my white wall that I've just recently stuck some photographs on it. The thing is, I don't really know what the thing is. I'm just lacking something,sparkle. I having been painting though and writing on my journals and diaries and sketchbooks and I am a mess and perfectionist. I buy all of these wicked agendas and skechbooks aimed to fill them with great work. But from the second I write on its page I immediately dislike the content I have written,also the handwriting itself and I feel like starting over on a different page, different journal and its never good enough and I tell myself..Stef you are neurotic. So I have all of these unfinished work and no place to stock these journals hah I must be really pathetic. Anyway I've shot some outfit images I'll be posting tomorrow. Today I will just watch a film, at least it will stop me from thinking too much.

Today I was talking to this guy and he kept looking deep into my eyes and talking all excited, at the beginning of the talk I was really paying attention but I have this problem, that when the person talk too much and I have only the option to listen, smile and emit sounds like ohh, huh, hmm then I start to get a bit embarrased and all of the sudden I find myself not paying attention to anything he is saying but analysing and thinking that if I look too much into his eyes it will be odd, but in the other hand if I look somewhere else I will be rude and it will be as if I am not interested in what he is saying..which maybe can be the reason I got distracted in the first place. Gosh enoughh hh its so cold now. I hate when the weather is a bit warm and theres sunshine and you think oh summer is coming and then the next day is foggy and cold its like 'the weather' is saying..summer? haha not yet you fool that was just a 'free sample'.